All throughout our lives all we have ever heard as young people was “Grow up and act like an adult!”. Yet time and time again, the so-called “adults” always end up doing something hypocritical that contradicts what it means to “act like an adult”.

So I have taken it upon myself to deconstruct this fantasy in order to reveal reality:

1. You are not an adult when you turn 18, despite what the government often says here in the United States. You’re just eighteen. It’s a number. The “government”, aka a group of control freaks who think they know what’s best for everyone, picked this number arbitrarily as an age when one is intelligent or “responsible” to do certain things like drive, drink alcohol, get a job, or any combination thereof like drinking & driving or working & drinking. In reality, at eighteen you don’t know much about the world or even yourself. But don’t worry! Soon enough, especially going into your 30’s and 40’s, you’ll begin to see all the horrible truths about our species which compounds like interest on a daily basis to the point where one day you’ll wish you never turned eighteen. Which takes me to the next point:
2. You are not an adult because you are biologically older. Again, whether you are eighteen, in your twenties, forties, or even nineties, you are just biologically older. Congratulations! It’s all downhill from there. All you have gained is more knowledge and experience.
3. You are not an adult because you went to college. You just happen to have gained more knowledge. And of course it goes without saying that you were also suckered into playing that game and taking on the unnecessary stress of college tuition and student loans. You shouldn’t have went to college like many others and myself included. You can make it just as far in life without it. After all, all one needs is food, water, basic shelter and healthcare. If we were a truly upstanding community and society, if we were truly “adults”, then we wouldn’t make people pay to become doctors and dentists, and quality healthcare would be free for everyone around the world.
4. You are not an adult because you are a parent. You just happened to have procreated. Any animal can do that once it hits puberty and finds a mate. It’s nothing special. Congratulations, I guess?
5. You are not an adult because you are a parent and raise your child or children a certain way. We’re animals. There is no “certain way” to raise one’s animal offspring. There are only social norms that one follows and conforms to in order to be perceived as a “responsible” parent, which means something completely different from one person to the next from culture to culture.
6. You are not an adult because you have a job. You’re just fortunate to have the mental and physical capacity and ability to work, when many others do not and struggle in this life because society favors those that are intelligent, attractive and able-bodied.
7. You are not an adult because you wear a suit. You wear a suit because that’s the role you have to play, which is most likely to make money. Or maybe you just like wearing suits because you have a fetish or enjoy impressing the other apes that don’t own suits.
8. You are not an adult because you have money. See #6 above. Or, maybe you were born into a privileged, wealthy family. Congratulations! Enjoy your life on easy street! Not everyone is as fortunate as you.
9. You are not an adult because you have manners. You are what they call a “Conformist”. You just happen to adhere to the behavior that the majority decides is acceptable and appropriate given the situation you are in. Want a high paying job? Then be a good circus monkey and do what the ring leader says while wearing a fancy dress or suit. But don’t worry! We’re all conformists to some degree, so don’t feel so bad.
10. You are not an adult because you do not use “foul language”. You don’t swear because you choose not to, or because you haven’t gotten over your judgmental human nature and look down your nose at the “low class” people that use it. They are just words. But that’s a whole other article I’ll be writing one day.
11. You are not an adult because you have an extensive vocabulary. You just learned a lot of fancy words! Congratulations! You know a lot of big words that have the same meanings as the simpler ones that are much easier to remember and say. But you prefer to use the bigger ones in order to impress people like your boss, your peers, or average people that don’t know how to use those big words or who buy your books.
12. You are not an adult because you are an “upstanding member of the community”. I mean really, “community”? What even is that these days?
13. You are not an adult because you are successful. You just got lucky where others did not.
14. You are not an adult because you vote. You’re an idiot because you vote and think it actually does something to make the world a better place. I’m kidding, you’re not an idiot. You just haven’t opened your eyes to the truth.
15. You are not an adult because you have morals. There is no such thing as morals. You do know that, right? That’s just a human construct.
16. You are not an adult because you obey the law.  You just happen to obey the law to avoid going to jail and prison.
17. You are not an adult because you do not make fart jokes. Everyone farts, and it’s funny every single time. You should fart more often, especially in public. Keeping it in is not healthy. It may smell bad, but the sound and laughter make up for that!
18. You are not an adult because of so many other reasons which at this point I’m too tired and lazy to list and i think 18 is a good number to stop at and get my point across. 20 reasons probably would have been better.

So there you have it. I’m sure by now you’re wondering: “Okay, Mister Smarty Pants, what is an adult then?”

There is no such thing. Bigfoot, Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, God and the Adult are all nothing but fictional creatures.

It is up to each individual to act and behave however they so please based on the knowledge they have, and based on whatever situation they are in and however they will benefit or be harmed from said situation, or choose to participate in said situation. However you choose to act or behave at any given moment does not mean you are any less or more of an adult. You are free to act according to your human nature. No one can or should tell your otherwise.

There is only coming to the cold, harsh realization that we are fallible, flawed, imperfect animals, and will remain so all throughout our lives, and as a species for however many more millions of years we will dominate this planet, with each one of us capable of conforming, nonconforming, creating, destroying, honesty, deception, selfishness, greed, generosity, love, anger, rage, murder, theft, ignorance, acceptance, obsession, compulsion and so on and so forth I could go listing every single aspect of being human.

And that’s exactly all that we are: human. Nothing more, nothing less.