What’s next: Professional Hopscotch? Professional Four Square? Professional Ring-Around-the-Rosie? Professional Buck-buck*? Professional Jailer? Professional Farting? Professional Taking a Shit? Professional Pissing? Professional Napping? Professional Sleeping (where the least amount of tossing and turning, and snoring gets more points)? Professional Couch Sitting? Professional Commuting? Professional Hating Your Job? Professional Quitting? Professional Unemployment? Professional Counting? Professional Walking? Professional Talking? Professional Arguing? Professional Debates? Professional Dungeons and Dragons? Professional Spitball? Professional Paper Airplanes? Professional List Making? Professional Blogging? Professional Commenting? Professional Video Watching? Professional Book Reading? Professional Gardening? Professional Bug Stomping? Professional Bee Keeping? Professional Sandwhich Eating? Professional Vomiting? Professional Filling Up the Gas Tank? Professional Lawn Mowing? Professional Throwing Out the Trash? Professional Littering? Professional Showering? Professional Parking? Professional Getting Injured? Professional Amateurism? Professional Being a Professional? Professional Waiting In Line? Professional Small Talk? Professional Doom Scrolling? Professional Pretend Listening? Professional Losing Your Keys? Professional Losing Your Glasses? Professional Losing Your Mind? Professional Eating? Professional Digesting? Professional Drinking (Non-Alcoholic)? Professional Think Up New Things to Make Into a Professional Sport?
Wait, I got one:!!! “Professional Clean Up The Environment And Figure Out How To Stop Manufacturing And Consuming Crap That Ends Up In The Ever-Increasing Landfills So We And Future Generations Have A Healthy Planet to Live On!” Any takers???
Just when I thought our society couldn’t get anymore backwater and absurd as it already is.
I’m not saying it should be banned or cancelled, I’m not one of those irrational, overly-emotional, unhinged political lunatics on either the left or right side of the political spectrum. I am all about individual freedom, independence, autonomy, agency, and everyone having the intrinsic ability to think, say, and act as they please since birth. And oh yeah, I think alcohol, tobacco, religion, government, and capitalism should be banned, but that’s all it is: what I think. You won’t ever see me protest, or lie down in a street, or block someone from entering a liquor store. As much as I don’t like a lot of things, you just can’t stop freedom. Though we should try to regulate what we can or cannot do. It’s a quandry for sure: absolute freedom vs regulation. Especially with how much freedom has polluted so many waterways, not to mention all the other environmental problems our species caused. But then again, there is all the cool food, cultures, and entertainment, so there’s an upside! A small one. A pimple. But an upside none the less!
Perhaps the worst part of this is the overly-priced cornhole sets that sell for over $100! It’s a piece of wood with a hole in it! and some bean bags! This is exactly the type of lunacy I’m talking about. And then all those cornhole units will, like everything else, end up in a landfill.
For fuck sake, can we please calm the fuck down with turning every single little thing into a capitalist exploit and venture? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Professional Cornhole though. Really?
[shaking my head and smiling]
*The kind of Buck Buck I played as a kid in the western middle-class suburbs of Southeastern Pennsylvania (Delaware County to be precise) was where 1 kid would face a telephone pole, and one would tap on their back saying “Buck, buck, how many fingers do I hold up, don’t turn arouuunnnnd yet!” Then the tapper would hold up fingers and show them to the other kids as proof, then say okay turn around, the person would turn around, take a guess at the number of fingers, if they got it right, someone else would then face the pole. Get it wrong, and whatever the difference is, if a kid held up 4 and you guess 8, you’d then walk 4 houses down the sidewalk. Then all the other kids would hide. So it was a weird type of hide-and-seek that we played, but we called it Buck Buck, even though real Buck Buck is hopping over kids or something. You can look it up.