I sometimes wonder who it is that decided to name things, and how they became official (I’m too lazy and it’s not that important for me to waste anymore time than I already have on such an insignificant matter that will only add to the landfill of useless knowledge in my mind).
For instance, here in the United States, especially in the mid-Atlantic region, we have 2 birds with “blue” in the name: the Bluebird, and the Blue Jay. First, I don’t know why the “Bluebird” is one word, while Blue Jay is two, though I assume it’s because there are other “jay” birds, I don’t know. Not only that, but why “bluebird” when clearly it’s not the only blue bird in existence? Why not call the Blue Jay, bluebird? Instead of bluebird, why not Bluerust, which would be more accurate, as it would be indicative of both the bluebird’s plumage and chest colors. Bluebird, though. Really? It’s so simple, and dumb. Did they run out of names and were left with just blue, and bird? Can’t we rename it to something better now? It’s a blue bird, sure, but so is a Blue Jay. Meanwhile, that one particular bright red bird is called… no, not a Redbird, like a rational, logical scientist might think, but rather, a Cardinal. Scientists skipped the naming convention altogether, deciding to go with the color of a clergy’s robes. What…
Titmouse, though. Really? I mean, it’s not that big of a deal, nor is it that offensive, but still, in today’s world? Mouse is one thing, and tit is surely another.
I can’t with our species sometimes.
And how could we forget the Blue-footed Booby! Always a hoot!
And yeah, yeah, I know all about how today’s bastardized English language words come from some prior 10th century anglo-saxon or germanic word meaning something else entirely at the time. But this is the 21st century, and words have entirely different or double meanings these days. When I see booby and tit, I ain’t thinking whatever the original 15th century Old English words were for them. “Oh, right, titmouse means small thing, and mouse because this, and booby because blah blah blah”. No, I’m picturing female anatomy, or in the case of the titmouse, a mouse having difficulty grocery shopping because it has one gigantic mammary, or in the Blue-footed Booby’s case, an actual living, sentient boob that has one big blue foot.
So I ask: if we can have a bird called a titmouse, where it’s quite obvious that both tit and mouse have absolutely nothing to do with any bird whatsoever, then why can’t we have Penisrabbit for a cat species? Or Pussymole for a dog? Assrat for something else entirely? Wangfrog, Cocksnake, Analfrog, Ball Bear (it’s young would be called Ball Bearings), Clitbird, Scrotumsnatch, Labiapig. I could go on, but I think you get the point.
I’m not a prude, and I’m not advocating to change the names. I mean, it would probably be a good idea to change the Blue-footed booby, the same with titmouse. I don’t care who you are, especially if you’re a birder, or some kind of professional, scientist, whatever. Whenever you or someone else says “Blue-footed booby” or “titmouse” in a professional setting or manner, it will forever be a joke, because it is a joke, and I will always chuckle at those ridiculous names.
But wait, there’s more! Slippery Dick is another! It’s a species of wrasse, and I don’t really care to know whatever that is (snake?). There’s also Colon Rectum! And Satanic Leaf-Tailed Gecko, Bone-Eating Snot-Flower Worm, Aha ha (really? where’s LOL and ROFL??), Screaming Hairy Armadillo, Sarcastic Fringehead (a fish), Rough Fungus Beetle, Spiny Lumpsucker, Sparklemuffin, Tasseled Wobbegong, Agra cadabra, Fried Egg Jellyfish, and Spongiforma squarepantsii named after Spongebob Squarepants.
To the Scientific Community: I give you my explicit permission to name the next species you discover: Penisrabbit, Pussymole, Assmule, Wangfrog, Cocksnake, Clitbird, Scrotumsnatch, and Ball Bear, so long as they are species unrelated to their names (e.g., Penisrabbit obviously being some kind of beetle), as long as you give me credit of course. I see your Colon Rectum and Slippery Dick, and raise you with Cock Balls and Hairy Vagina.
Cheers!